LETTERS FROM STEVO: Mancrush Ringtones

I'm liking this wakeboarding business. I'm not exactly skilled at it, i.e., I'll never be referred to as "twinkltoes" or being "light on my feet" but I enjoy it nonetheless.

Amy and I, being the spiritual little sunbeams that we are, were considering a mass prayer for the children of the world in these trying times, but Michael Jackson's dead...I guess we can pull that out of the ol' bucket list can't we!

I discovered this past weekend that my brother-in-law Cory has special ringtones for his buddies with whom there is an avid "bro-mance/mancrush". I'm not sure what the songs are, but one sounded like Marvin Gaye and the other like Chris Isaak...In the spirit of this, I decided to create a list of ringtones for certain people I know. Let's see...

- Amy - "Tush" by ZZ Top..."Baby Got Back" was also a consideration here
- Big Dave - Any ballad by any hair band/butt rocker you can think of!
- Bud - Any cheesy, sexual inuendo, Margaritaville, Dancing Queen song you can think of! Is there a song about prostates???
- Craig "President of the Michael Jackson Fan Club 25 years and counting" Thornton - "Beat It"
- Mom-in-Law - scriptures on tape (unless Craig is there to recite them to her verbatim!)
- Mya - "Tuesday's Gone" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, or anything Beatles
- Mr. Peet - "Mommy's Little Monster" by Social Distortion
- Emily - Soundtrack from the "Breaking Wind" vampire series
- Traci - That dude from Top Gun that says, "I want some butts!"
- Dusty and Jen - "The Facts of Life" theme song
- Tiff - A 20 minute John Denver/James Taylor medley/collage..."shower the people you love with love... THANK GOD I'M A COUNTRY BOY!"
- Ma Busch - "Seasons in the Abyss" I'm not saying anything about being raised by you mom, I swear!
- Ol' Ern - "Free Bird" brother! Lord knows, he couldn't change!
- My Charger - "Fuel" by Metallica...White knuckle tight!
- and of course if Stevo decides to call himself..."I'm Too Sexy"...Yeah!
- and last but certainly not least, the man who inspired this list, Cory! Hmmm...this is a tough one...Is there a song that reminds me of the dude that's been my brother-in-law longer than anyone else? Is there a song about golf? Softball? Having 4 zany little sisters who at times border on clinical insanity? Is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir really Mormon? Can men have babies? Is the concept of business ethics an oxymoron? All things considered, as I think about Cory and his place in his family, I think of the eye of a hurricane...the calmest place in the storm. Cory just flows through life, nothing overloads him too much and his mind is always in a good place. Wow! Are he and Amy opposites or what??? So, my song for Cory is "Flowing" by 311...

LETTERS FROM STEVO: Operation... Owen's Boat

Happy Father's Day to all you father's out there and to all you mother's who wear the pants in your family! You know who you are! Fatherhood is a mother's revenge, and it's a dish best served cold and bitter...just ask Ma Busch. Studies have shown that men's testosterone levels decrease at the birth of their children. This is nature's way of telling the human male, "Do not eat the child!" "Do not kill the child!" It is not edible and it is not competing for scare resources...do not terminate it. In fact, you have to "take care" of it by feeding it and allowing it to grow...UUUHHHH??? Me understand!

Let's segue into the main topic. I have an uncle. Owen. He is the older brother of Ol'Ern, by 15 years! For our family, Owen is THAT uncle...you know what I mean? Ol'Ern always looked out for him and was a great brother to him. One day, Owen came over to our house to show off a new toy he had purchased. It was an old, worn out motor boat, probably built in the 60's or early 70's. The upholstery was torn, the paint worn off and it looked like it hadn't been used in a few centuries. No reasonable person would actually pay money for this thing. But he was proud of it and wanted to take it out to Morgan Lake to see how smooth she rides! Big Dave and I were in our pre-teens and were coerced by Ol'Ern into joining in this bundle of fun. Needless to say the boat didn't run, I seem to remember we discovered it couldn't even float and that was the end of that. Owen kept the boat in his possession and even talked Ol'Ern into docking it in our extended backyard. The extended backyard was a no-man's land of gargantuan weeds that were capable of consuming human flesh. And so Owen's boat sat in this wasteland for years and years and years.

Following Ol'Ern's passing, Ma Busch sold the homestead and bought a new house in Farmtown. As preparations were made to move Ma Busch out of the house, Big Dave and I remembered something...that P.O.S. boat is still sitting out there in the backyard! Everyone had forgotten about it! Something had to be done. The boat had to go. The new home owners weren't going to want this garbage in their "beautiful" new backyard! We devised a plan.

We understood two things. 1) The gargantuan weeds needed to be cleared. 2) Owen's boat needed to disappear. These weeds weren't the kind that you could just pull out of the ground, or even dig up from under the ground with a shovel. So we did the logical thing...rented a bobcat! If you ever have a reason to rent a bobcat...you absolutely need to take advantage! Just adjust the speed from "turtle" to "rabbit" and ram those weeds going full blast! It was awesome! Our next step was to hook up the boat to Ma Busch's truck and personally deliver it to Owen. Fortunately, the boat sat on a trailer, but the tires were flat and barely hanging on to the wheels. Big deal! We hooked it up anyway and drug it to Owen's house with the metal of the wheels screeching against the pavement. We pull up to Owen's house, him and aunt Laurel come out with a look of absolute shock! "what the...?" We pull up, "Hey guys! I believe this belongs to you!" He asks what he's supposed to do with it, to which we respond that's really not our concern...take it to Lake Powell and see if it will float! That was one of the sweetest moments of my life...I hated that boat, never understood why we had it in the first place and felt a sense of justice in hand delivering it back to its rightful owner...Owen...

LETTERS FROM STEVO: You don't want to find yourself "in the rears" with regards to your personal finances

I have a co-worker who thinks the statement "in arrears" is "in the rears" so I've been using it a lot. It's one of my new favorite phrases. "I'm in the rears on my mortgage payments." Or, "the customer is in the rears on their payments." Love it...

Congrats to Dusty and Sidecar Sally for getting hitched this weekend. It's been a big year for weddings. Traci and Collin Lee Rothey were also married a couple of months ago...and, a good friend and one of Amy's college roomates Mollie was married the week before. Doesn't appear there will be any more any time soon...do you understand what I'm implying Mya??? At LEAST 20 years girlfriend!

Going back to the wedding, I just wanted to give a shout out to my significant Amy. She worked hard this weekend and used her "take charge" personality in all its glory to ensure that the wedding went off without a hitch and to keep pressure off mom-in-law. At times, she is critized for being so opinionated and not being afraid to speak her mind and stand up for what she thinks is right, but understand this...it is a strength! When I first met her and got a glimpse of her Type A-ness, I commented to her that I felt sorry for her future husband! DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR ME! I did not realize what a wise decision I was making when I married her. I am very proud of her and all that she does. Ma Busch has nominated her for sainthood, Bud thinks she's capable of conquering this planet. Sorry, I just needed to get that out...

One last thing, I'm excited to have Big Dave and Lyndley come up in July. No pressure guys, I'm just setting the table!