LETTERS FROM STEVO: An Epidemic Sweeping the Nation!
Yes, you heard me! I have no choice but to report on a dangerous new disease that has reached epidemic levels! Chances are, you know someone who has it...in fact, chances are, you have it! It hasn't reached Amy and I yet and it is my humble cry to the Almighty that it never does! Nothing in our current healthcare system could cure it and the currently proposed Obamacare in it's present form has no language regarding a cure or a solution to this mutation of the human condition...
So what is this disease you ask? It has been labelled "Schizo-iPhonia" by the American Psychiatric and Geriatric Association or APGA. Schizo-iPhonia is an incurrable addiction/fascination/obsession with the iPhone. According to the APGA, this condition has reached epic proportions. The condition has reached every conceivable demographic in this nation and is spreading like the Swine Flu in Mexico...but is more dangerous to humankind. Symptoms include but are not limited to...buying a new iPhone, compulsively downloading new "apps" for the iPhone and blankly staring at the iPhone during what would normally be productive activity...for example during a game of domino's with your family in which you should be paying attention to strategy and otherwise socially interacting with your family!
See those two people with their iPhones talking to each other? Schizo-iPhoniacs can commonly be seen discussing their iPhones with all its features and their latest downloaded applications with other Schizo-iPoniacs. The APGA advises that you do not approach this conversation or attempt to engage the Schizo-iPhoniacs as the experience will leave you bewildered and bored to tears. Some Schizo-iPhoniacs have been compelled through similar experiences to go out to their nearest Apple store and purchase their new obsession immediately!
In conclusion, this new electronic contraption of the most sinister intent has entranced millions of people. Once upon a time, Americans were simply "Cell Phone Degenerates"...we now have to contend with Schizo-iPhonia in all it's dark, touch screen glory. As for me, I will stick with checking work emails on my Dingleberry Curve.